Soren Kierkegaard: 'Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.'

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.

Soren Kierkegaard, a Danish philosopher, once famously said, "Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced." This thought-provoking quote encapsulates a profound perspective on existence itself. At its core, the meaning of this statement lies in urging individuals to shift their mindset from a problem-solving approach to life and embrace the essence of experiencing the world around them. Instead of constantly seeking solutions and attempting to navigate life as a series of puzzles to be solved, Kierkegaard suggests that we should embrace the reality that unfolds before us and allow ourselves to truly engage with it.This perspective is particularly significant in today's fast-paced and goal-driven society. We often find ourselves preoccupied with chasing after objectives, measuring success by milestones achieved, or solving the next problem that arises. While problem-solving is indeed an important aspect of life, Kierkegaard urges us to remember that it is not the sole purpose of our existence. Life is not merely a puzzle to be solved, but a multifaceted experience that encompasses both the highs and lows, joys and sorrows, and everything in between.To enhance our understanding of Kierkegaard's quote, let us delve into the concept of "flow," introduced by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a Hungarian-American psychologist. Flow refers to the state of complete immersion and focus in an activity, where time seems to stand still, and one's sense of self disappears. In this state, individuals experience optimal engagement, creativity, and fulfillment. Flow can be experienced in various activities, whether it be art, sports, meditation, or even mundane daily tasks.When we consider flow in light of Kierkegaard's quote, we can recognize an intriguing parallel. Life, when approached as a reality to be experienced rather than a problem to be solved, allows us to tap into this state of flow more frequently. By embracing the present moment with curiosity, openness, and a willingness to engage fully, we create opportunities for authentic experiences and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us.When we are solely focused on solving problems, we risk becoming disconnected from the richness of life itself. We miss out on the subtle joys, the meaningful connections, and the beauty that surrounds us. Kierkegaard's quote serves as a gentle reminder to pause and appreciate the journey rather than solely focusing on the destination.Embracing life as a reality to be experienced requires adopting a mindful and present mindset. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or reflective journaling, can help cultivate this mindset. By consciously observing our thoughts, emotions, and sensations as they arise, we can better attune ourselves to the present moment and engage with life in a more meaningful way.Moreover, choosing to perceive life as an experience also invites acceptance of its inevitable uncertainties and unpredictability. Life is not a linear equation with a set solution; it is a dynamic interplay of various factors, both within and beyond our control. By embracing this reality, we free ourselves from the burden of constantly seeking answers and instead embrace the wonders of the unknown.In conclusion, Soren Kierkegaard's quote, "Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced," implores us to shift our perspective on existence. By perceiving life as a reality to be embraced, we unlock the potential for deeper engagement, fulfillment, and an enriched experience of the world around us. This insightful perspective stands in contrast to the problem-solving mentality ingrained in our society, reminding us to cherish the present moment and find beauty in the process rather than fixating on solutions. Let us embark on this journey of experiencing life with open hearts and curious minds, embracing both the joys and the challenges that come our way.

Soren Kierkegaard: 'Once you label me you negate me.'

Soren kierkegaard: 'life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.'.

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Kierkegaard: Life Can Only Be Understood Backwards, But Must Be Lived Forwards

Kierkegaard: Life Can Only Be Understood Backwards, But It Must Be Lived Forwards

The 19th-century Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard observes that while life can only be understood backwards, it must be lived forwards.

Jack Maden

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S øren Kierkegaard (1813 - 1855) was a Danish philosopher whose rich and varied writings have had a profound influence on philosophy, theology, and literature.

Kierkegaard articulates the anxiety, self-consciousness, and fraughtness of daily human existence in often exquisite prose — and it’s this laser focus on what it’s like under our own skin that cemented his reputation as a literary genius, and so inspired the existentialists of the 20th century.

Oil painting of Kierkegaard, by Luplau Janssen (1902).

One feature of the human condition that Kierkegaard homes in on is that we move through time in one direction.

Consequently, we do not know what the future holds, nor the impact our choices will have.

Our understanding of events can occur only after we have experienced them. As a statement commonly attributed to Kierkegaard has it:

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

This statement is actually a shortened version of one of Kierkegaard’s journal entries. And, while it might seem a quite innocuous observation, its consequences on our psychological wellbeing are actually rather profound.

These consequences become clearer when we consider Kierkegaard’s fuller journal passage:

It is really true what philosophy tells us, that life must be understood backwards. But with this, one forgets the second proposition, that it must be lived forwards. A proposition which, the more it is subjected to careful thought, the more it ends up concluding precisely that life at any given moment cannot really ever be fully understood; exactly because there is no single moment where time stops completely in order for me to take position [to do this]: going backwards.

We are constantly moving forward in time. At no point do we get breathing space to pause and understand reality; it continuously unfolds before us.

The present is a constant stream of becoming that, when we try to hold it in place with our clumsy descriptions, ideas, and concepts, slips through our fingers.

We are thus fated to forever live our lives, Kierkegaard tells us, with incomplete information and understanding.

No matter what we want to happen, we cannot ever know what will happen, nor hope to immediately grasp it when it does.

Our future lives may split into various possibilities in our imaginations, but we can only ever live one of them — and even the one we ‘choose’ is unlikely to go as planned.

Milan Kundera describes this feature of existence succinctly in his 1984 novel The Unbearable Lightness of Being , writing:

Human life occurs only once, and the reason we cannot determine which of our decisions are good and which bad is that in a given situation we can only make one decision; we are not granted a second, third or fourth life in which to compare various decisions.

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Do we just have to put up with this lack of knowledge, and the anxiety it causes?

H owever, that we can only understand things in retrospect should tell us something important about how we might better approach life.

If we insist on continuously trying to plan and execute the best life possible , all we can do is try to keep our worries, uncertainties, and expectations at bay as we fall forwards towards an open, unknowable future.

But if we accept that we will always have incomplete information , then perhaps we might also see the futility of trying to plan and control everything that happens.

We might realize, as the Stoic philosopher Epictetus also points out with his dichotomy of control , that insisting on reality being a certain way will likely lead to disappointment.

A statement often described as a ‘Kierkegaardian slogan’ (though it doesn’t actually appear in his writings) can help shed some light here:

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.

We do not (and will never) have the information required to forever ‘fix’ our lives — so why approach them as problems that need to be solved at all?

Other animals know this better than us: there is nothing that needs answering.

No matter what we do, reality will continually unfold before us.

We can fight against this with plans, schemes, narrative arcs; but reality won’t care — for, in-itself, it doesn’t have any problems to solve.

Reality just unconcernedly, invincibly, effortlessly goes on.

Perhaps, then, we might adjust our perspectives accordingly: put our energy not into endless reflection whereby we ‘fix’ the past or ‘solve’ the future, but in aligning better with what the very structure of existence demands: experience the unfolding of reality now.

The point is not to never think about the past or future; the point is that we shouldn’t reflect on them as problems that need solving.

Life is here to be experienced. What kind of experiences appeal to you? Spending time with loved ones? Expressing your creativity? Feeling the sun on your face?

Perhaps working out how to structure our lives more around such nourishing experiences is the only real ‘plan’ — the only real solution — we need.

Learn more about Kierkegaard’s philosophy (and the existentialism it inspired)

W hat do you make of this analysis? Do you try to meticulously control the future? Or do you approach life as something to be experienced?

If you’d like to reflect more on these themes or Kierkegaard’s philosophy generally, you might be interested in the following related reads:

  • Kierkegaard On Finding the Meaning of Life
  • Søren Kierkegaard: The Best 6 Books to Read
  • Existence Precedes Essence: What Sartre Really Meant
  • Sartre’s Waiter, ‘Bad Faith’, and the Harms of Inauthenticity
  • What is Existentialism? 3 Core Principles of Existentialist Philosophy

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Mindfulness Box

Life Is Not a Problem To Be Solved, But A Reality to Be Experienced

  • By: Ryan Kane
  • Updated: February 21, 2024
  • Time to read: 5 min.

life is not a problem to be solved but a game to be played

According to Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard, “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” Kierkegaard, along with other philosophers like Alan Watts and Rainer Maria Rilke, have argued that when you seek the answers to life, you’re asking the wrong question. Life is something to be experienced, not something to be solved.

What’s the meaning of life?

Before you get too excited—sorry, I don’t have the answer.

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Philosophers have been wrestling with this one for as long as there have been philosophers.

I certainly can’t tell you.

But I do know that people generally fall into a couple camps with this question.

Two approaches to the question “What’s the answer to life?”

For some, there simply has to be an answer. Life can be difficult and uncertain. If we don’t know the point to it all, it’s easy to fall into existential dread.

For people who feel this way, the question of why we’re here and the meaning of life needs to be answered with certainty. There exists an answer somewhere out there, so we must pursue it.

For others, the answer is unknowable. It’s like expecting an ant to know who the president is: it’s too many layers beyond understanding.

Perhaps the question itself is unhelpful, because it implies a single answer. Life—our entire experience—is everything around us, past and present. How could there be a single meaning to it?

I started life in the first camp, but now I fall in the second camp. For me, why we’re here, and the meaning of life, aren’t problems to be solved.

Life exists to be experienced.

The meaning of life may be unknowable, and perhaps the question is absurd

Try this question:

What’s the meaning of your dog’s life?

If the question “What’s the meaning of your dog’s life,” sounds absurd, that’s because it’s intended to.

Watching your dog chase its own tail and wondering about the meaning of little Fido’s life is laughable, because the answer is obvious:

Fido’s doing just fine.

He’s here to be a dog, and he’s doing a damn fine job of being a dog.

I’m not suggesting that human lives are equivalent to a dog’s life, or that humans don’t have a unique capacity for purpose, meaning, creation, and existential dread. Certainly, those things are true.

But this tongue-in-cheek question has the potential to help us find a little freedom amidst the absurdity. Let’s apply it to your life:

Are you a human who’s experiencing life? Are you making mistakes, finding inspiration and creating, being brave and being afraid, lying and being honest, experiencing happiness and sadness , starting and then giving up and then trying again?

If so, congratulations.

You’re here to be a human, and you’re doing a damn fine job of being a human.

1. The meaning of life according to Søren Kierkegaard

The Meaning of Life Quote Soren Kierkegaard

Here’s what Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard had to say:

“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”

Of course, this is coming from a philosopher who spent his time considering the great questions of life. But perhaps that makes it more powerful: that a man who considered so many existential questions of life ultimately found that the greatest ones had no satisfactory answers, and we should just get on with living.

Kierkegaard isn’t the only one urging us to stop treating life like a problem.

2. The meaning of life according to Alan Watts

The Meaning of Life Quote Alan Watts

A similar take is found in this perspective from philosopher Alan Watts :

“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”

We can use endless energy identifying the meaning of life , and wondering if what we’ve done constitutes a full and meaningful way of living.

Or, we can find a way to content ourselves with the experience of simply being alive. (Of course, internalizing this is no easy task, either).

3. The meaning of life according to Rumi

The Meaning of Life Quote Rumi

Rumi shows the power of poetry to dance around big questions of meaning , questions that have a tendency to slip away when you try to address them head on:

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase  each other doesn’t make any sense.”

Or, put in a different way:

When we find ourselves stuck on paradigms of right and wrong and wrangling with philosophical language and ideas, perhaps it’s better to simply be . To simply absorb the experience of life.

4. The meaning of life according to Rainer Maria Rilke

The Meaning of Life Quote Rilke

No one addresses the futility of chasing answers to big questions better than Rainer Maria Rilke .

“Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything.  Live  the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

Maybe it’s too soon for us to have the answers we’re looking for. Or maybe we simply can’t know them at all. Maybe they’re beyond human comprehension—simply unknowable. In any case, the answer again in Rilke’s case is to stop trying to treat life like a problem to be solved, and to start living.

Living with purpose—even when you don’t have all the answers

None of this is to say that meaning, purpose and contribution aren’t something we should seek out in our lives.

Humans need meaning.

But this need tends to lead us, as Alan Watts said, to “[rush] around in a great panic” trying to achieve. Our existential dread causes a deep need to work towards something greater than ourselves—a sort of “immortality project” that will last beyond us.

Yes, build meaning in your life. But do so from a place of security.

The security of knowing that you’re here to simply experience life.

You’re here to be human.

And that’s exactly what you’re doing.

Ryan Mindfulness Box 300x300 flip

My mindfulness practice kicked off in 2016 with a ten-day silent retreat . Since then, I’ve read dozens of books about mindfulness and completed hundreds of hours of meditation. Thinking about what makes humans happy, calm, and peaceful is endlessly fascinating to me.

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“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” – Soren Kierkegaard

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Life Is Not a Problem to Be Solved

Life is a mystery to be lived and, not infrequently, endured, which is what makes it so profound and persisting a drama.

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Steven C. Hayes Ph.D.

A Human Life Is Not a Problem to Be Solved

On the outside calm; on the inside dying..

Posted January 1, 2009 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

If you happened to be walking through a southern college campus 30 years ago you might have seen a man sitting on a park bench apparently wiping his face in the warmth of a spring day while gazing at the kind of lush green scenery only the South can provide. But if you had been inside this young man you would have seen something different.

He was not actually wiping his face. That was a cover so that he could put his fingers on his neck and feel how fast his heart was beating. To his dismay he found that it was still above 160 beats a minute — a rate only hard exercise could produce even though he had not moved in nearly half an hour. And he was not actually looking at the trees and grass. Instead he was wondering how he could possibly stand up, and walk that 500 yards to a classroom filled with undergraduate faces, and still make sound come out of his mouth.

That young man was me.

Nearly 30 years ago I developed a panic disorder. A productive and successful young academic, I soon found myself struggling to give a lecture, to speak on the phone, or to ride in an elevator. Even sitting on a park bench was a struggle. From the outside I appeared calm — but on the inside I felt I was dying. Literally.

Over just a handful of years, my body became a focus of terror; my thoughts a source of torment. Some of my experiences at the height of this struggle now seem so alien to me that it is only with difficulty that I can imagine the mindset that produced them. I'll share one, knowing for many it may simply seem incomprehensible.

An airline attendant stood at the front of a plane and described how to use the passenger seatbelts. I watched with a sense of amazement and incredulity, as one might gaze at an impossibly skilled athletic feat during the Olympics. I remember thinking, "How can she do that without being terrified?! She has to say all of those specific words, and they have to be right, and do it in front of a plane full of people!" Now this memory seems very strange, but I remember that is was not strange at all at the time. That is how far my mind had carried me.

At the level of content, the problem I was suffering from was seemingly my intense anxiety , and a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem . The mode of mind I used to address these problems was logical, sensible, and content-focused. I thought I knew what I should be feeling, sensing, thinking, and remembering, but what I was experiencing was far from these expectations. Between these two was a discrepancy that needed to be closed. Like a person lost on the way to a destination, my mind reviewed how I got here, carefully looking for wrong turns and mistaken landmarks. And it looked forward, projecting endless possible routes that might have the desired effect. The discrepancy would be closed and my problem would be solved. My feelings would become normal. My thoughts would ease. I would be myself again.

Unfortunately, entering into this mode of mind turned my life into a problem to be solved, not a process to be experienced. Instead of leading to solutions, it disempowered me so profoundly that I could almost sense my life energy draining away in real time. The instant I applied this mode of mind to myself my worst fear was confirmed. There was something wrong with me. I had to fix it before I could move forward. Life needed to be put on hold while my emotions, thoughts, and sensations were readjusted. There was something deeply, deeply wrong.

I was like a person running a race whose first step was to cut himself off at the knees. I was drawn into the mental whirlpool of panic disorder and agoraphobia. Gasping for a bit of psychological air, one compromise followed another as I avoided more and more. The emotional monster I was struggling took one piece of my life after another until my career , my ability to function, and even life itself was in question. Sitting on the park bench, I wondered if there was a way out.

I think my personal story exemplifies the errors both the helping professions and popular culture have often made in adjusting to a new reality. Modern technological success is a product of our ability to solve problems. In part as a result we have enormously overfed a logical, discrepancy-based, problem-solving mode of mind. It works wonderfully well in many areas but easily creates suffering when it is applied within. Nevertheless, with every scientific and technological advance, a discrepancy-based mode of mind grows stronger, and our ability to be present, aware, and flexible grows weaker. Yet we as a culture seem to be dedicated to the idea that "negative" human emotions need to be fixed, managed, or changed — not experienced as part of a whole life. We are treating our own lives as problems to be solved, as if we can sort through our experiences for the ones we like and throw out the rest.

life is not a problem to be solved but a game to be played

In the modern world, the struggles we face are often not logical, they are psychological. As a culture we are not handling them well. Instead of a discrepancy-based mode of mind we need to develop a modern integrated style of consciousness that can take us out of our minds and into our lives. Acceptance, mindfulness , and values are key psychological tools needed for that transformative shift.

In my previous post I asked, "Why now?" The short answer is, "Because these are needed now."

In this blog, I will walk through them, and the scientific evidence for them... but I also want to ground this journey in personal experience. I do that not because an "N of 1" is determinative, nor because what is true for me is thus true for all. Science is a far better filter for "truth" in that sense. Rather, contact with that level provides a kind of anchor to the ground. For me writing, but also for you reading and reacting.

I read a post from Martha Beck's (the O Magazine columnist) blog today that spoke to what I'm trying to say. She said something to the effect that we as a culture are on a journey to a different kind of consciousness and folks need to stand up and speak to these issues. She acknowledged the danger in doing that, namely, that it risks generating more self-proclaimed know-it-alls spouting rules for others. I liked her solution: When we lose the integrity of speaking from a personal truth, we lose the meaning of what is said. People sense that. It is inherently self-limiting.

So I start here with a personal story for this reason: Our shared consciousness is always personal. You can check to see if what is being said rings true using that same filter — not at a mindy, judgmental level, but at a deeper level. You may not have had panic, but I know you know something of the pain of which I speak. You may not have looked in wonder at an airline attendant, but I know that you know how you've limited your own vision. This is the world we all live in — is it not? We live in a world that turns our own lives into problems to be solved, and in that very moment objectifies and dehumanizes the process of living, loving and contributing as whole human beings.

The pain of self-objectification is a crucible for the new consciousness I am speaking about. If you know nothing of it, this blog will not speak to you. If you do, let's both keep our eyes wide.

Peace, love, and life on this New Year's Day.

Steven C. Hayes, University of Nevada

Steven C. Hayes Ph.D.

Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D. , is Nevada Foundation Professor at the Department of Psychology at the University of Nevada Reno.

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The formula for winning at life is actually incredibly simple

It’s a game of life or death.

Welcome, Player One, to a strategy guide for the game known as life.

As you’ve undoubtedly discovered, the game of life is often quite difficult. You will face unexpected challenges and long periods of frustration. You will often struggle with self-doubt, feel overwhelmed by helplessness and loss, and sometimes take a shit when you’re out of toilet paper.

Yes, life is hard, as the saying goes.

But fear not, this short guide is designed to help you complete your missions and complete the game at the highest possible level.

How to win at life

The goal of life is simple: it is to level up as much as possible. Each level in life presents a particular challenge that you must overcome. Once you overcome that challenge, you get to move on to the next level. The goal is to complete as many levels as possible. At the end of the game, the person at the highest level gets to have the best funeral.

There are five levels in life:

  • Level 1 – Find food; find a bed to sleep in at night
  • Level 2 – Know you’re not going to die
  • Level 3 – Find your people
  • Level 4 – Do something that’s important and valuable to both yourself and others
  • Level 5 – Create a legacy

Level 1  just means you’re not homeless and/or starving. This is a prerequisite for just about everything else. Chances are, if you’re stuck on level 1, you aren’t even reading this right now.

Level 2  gets a bit more complicated, because a lot of people do have a nice bed to sleep in every night, but they can’t sleep because of gunshots outside or bombs exploding over their city, or maybe Dad’s a drunk and keeps trying to set the house on fire.

None of these things are cool. Level 2 requires that you find a secure and stable home to base yourself out of. Getting past level 2 requires finding a way to successfully remove yourself from these dangerous situations.

Level 3  means relationships, finding the right people to love and the right people who love you.

This sounds way easier and more fun than it is. Mainly because, as you’ve likely found out by now, most people suck.

Navigating to the ones who don’t is a whole tricky matter that I’ll get to in a bit.

Level 4  means building up some skill  or knowledge or ability that adds value to the world around you and also makes you feel like kind of a badass in the process.

Level 5  just means making sure your life mattered when you’re dead. Good luck with that champ.

Most of us get a nice head start due to our parents. If you’re lucky, your parents will have successfully guided you through levels 1-3 and even give you a nice boost in achieving level 4.

If your parents took care of you but they were kind of emotional fuck ups, then you’ll have levels 1 and 2 down pat but be totally on your own for level 3.

If you were raised by wolves, a) congratulations on figuring out how to read, and b) please refrain from chewing on your mobile device.

The design of life

Life is a big and complex game. It’s the largest open world game known to date. We all begin with different starting stats and we’re placed into a wide range of environments that can either give us advantages or disadvantages.

But because most people have trouble conceptualizing life, they therefore assume that they have no control over life. But nothing could be further from the truth.

Life’s game design is actually surprisingly simple. It is guided by a few basic principles that are designed to give the player an experience of a large amount of randomness.

1. Life is designed to continually throw difficult and unexpected problems at you

Life is a never-ending stream of problems that must be confronted, surmounted and/or solved. If at any point, life runs out of problems to give us, then as players, we will unconsciously invent problems for ourselves. Problems are what keep us occupied and  give our lives meaning  and are, therefore, necessary to conquer levels 4 and 5 (give value and leave a legacy).

As players, we spend most of our time preparing ourselves for problems that are  expected . But it is because of this preparation that, by definition, the most difficult problems we experience in life will be  unexpected .

This steady barrage of unexpected problems gives the player a sense that she lacks control over her own life, when in fact, the purpose of life is not to control what happens to you, but rather control and choose higher level reactions to what happens to you.

2. Players may respond to problems with either solutions or distractions

All players must meet problems with a reaction (even choosing not to react to a problem, is itself, a reaction).

All reactions can be divided up in two ways: solutions and distractions.

Solutions are actions and pursuits that resolve a problem preventing it from continuing or happening again in the future.  Distractions are actions or pursuits designed to either make the player unaware of the problem’s existence or to dull the pain the problem may be causing.

If a player feels they understand a problem and are capable of handling it, they will pursue a solution. If players are just sick of life’s shit, then they will likely pursue distractions to help them pretend the problem  isn’t actually there .

3. The more each solution or distraction is used, the easier and more automatic it will be in the future

The more often you use a solution or distraction, the easier it will be to use again, to the point where it will eventually become unconscious and automatic. Once a solution or distraction is unconscious and automatic, it  becomes a habit .

Habits are necessary because they prevent you from falling back to previous levels you’ve already conquered. A player, once they’ve found a solution to a level, must employ that solution enough times to make it a habit, thus mastering that level and allowing them to move on to the next level.

4. Solutions move us towards the next level, distractions keep us on the same level

Since gaining levels in life requires solving problems, distracting ourselves from our problems guarantees that we will become stuck on the same level.

If our distractions become habits, then we will become perpetually stuck at a level  and not even be conscious of it . If you’ve ever wondered why all of your relationships  have failed miserably  in the past decade, then chances are your distraction-habits are preventing you from achieving the  real intimacy  necessary to beat level 3.

5. The formula for winning at the game of life is therefore actually incredibly simple

  • Correctly identify your solutions and distractions
  • Eliminate the distractions

One simple example: There’s a problem at work and my boss hates me, so I can either pursue a solution (confront my boss, look to be transferred, work harder, etc.) or I can pursue a distraction (party every night, smoke crack, masturbate while watching Disney cartoons, etc.).

The more often I choose a solution, the more it will make choosing subsequent solutions easier, thus leading to an eventual level up. The more often I choose distraction, the more it will make choosing subsequent distractions easier, thus making me a deadbeat with a weird sex fetish.

One final note before I teach you how to totally cheat life and get a giant pyramid built for you when you die:

Just because you level up doesn’t mean problems stop at previous levels. A bro’s still gotta eat (level 1). We all need to be safe to accomplish anything (level 2). Relationships  take work  (level 3), yadda, yadda.

So think of leveling up as not necessarily going from juggling baseballs to juggling knives. Rather, leveling up is like going from juggling three knives to four, then five, and so on.

Below are the five cheat codes to help you navigate your way through life and reach the end fully satisfied and leveled-up.

Entering these cheat codes is easy: just press Tab at the View Screen to access your Mind’s Eye. The  Mind’s Eye  is where you actively observe yourself and choose what to think about. From there, just type in the cheats below at the “Brain” prompt and hit ENTER.

(Note: These cheats, like solutions and distractions, also require repetition to work. So  be patient  with them. They will also eventually become their own habits.)

Cheat #1: I am responsible for this

The number one way people fuck up is by telling themselves that there’s nothing they can do about the problems life gives them.

You can always do something about the problems life gives you.

When you decide that there’s nothing you can do to solve a problem, you immediately limit your possible reactions to distractions. And if you limit your responses to distractions enough, pretty soon you will build a life that is made up of nothing but habits of distractions. You’ll be running away from everything, and everyone, all the time. And you’ll probably turn into a grade-A selfish prick at that.

(Another note: “selfishness” is essentially a propensity for distractions over solutions. Since the people around you and your relationships benefit from solutions, and distractions generally isolate you from others, constantly pursuing distractions will likely make you into someone no one else wants to really hang around with—unless, that is, they pursue the same distractions that you do. You know, two peas in a crack-pipe and all that.)

This first “cheat” is so important, I once wrote an article about it called “ The Prime Belief “ and posted it on Facebook  like three whole times. Some people even shared it and it wasn’t just my mom. Cheat #1 is so important, I dedicated an entire chapter in  my book  to it. It’s so important that if you passed out drunk at a party, I’d write it on your forehead with a sharpie.

Cheat #2: Write this shit down

No, I’m not talking about writing down that you owe your buddy, Mike, $12 for those beers you drank. Although, that’s probably worth noting.

Separating solutions from distractions in your life is surprisingly difficult and complicated. This is because we have a tendency to  lie to ourselves  about our distractions. We tell ourselves that we need our distractions. We tell ourselves that our distractions are just innocent fun. That we totally have them under control, and yeah, maybe I woke up under a bridge in my own vomit, but at least I remembered where I parked the car. See,  I am responsible .

But worst of all, sometimes we come to believe that our distraction is actually a solution. We think that spending 12 hours a day at the office will give us the loving family we want, that playing violin in the park for spare change is a career waiting to happen.

We can often spend years (or decades) pursuing what we believe will level us up only to discover that we’ve basically been tweaking our nipples for the last 12 years, and while it felt good, we have nothing to show for it.

As such, we all need to develop an ability to observe our own thoughts. Psychologists sometimes call this “metacognition.” In the past, I’ve referred to it as  meta-awesomeness . Here, I’m just going to call it “not being a jerk.”

To observe your own thoughts and not be a jerk, you need to get your thoughts out in front of you and pretend that they aren’t yours. Only then can you hear how utterly ridiculous they sound.

One common way to do this is to write down your thoughts regularly.

This can be a journal,  a blog  (how do you think all this stuff started, anyway?), or even letters/emails to friends and family.

The important part is that you are actively digging into the  problems in your life  and looking at your behavior from a third-person perspective.

Like, I know it sounds amazing when you decide to deal with  your mommy issues  by popping pills and sleeping with a series of emotionally needy women just so you can take pleasure in telling them to fuck off later. That might  feel  like a good idea. But write it down. Then see what a jerk you are.

Therapy also works in this regard. You go sit on a couch and say a bunch of things to this person who sits there and pretends to care. Then that person says your thoughts back to you, just in a different way. And then you’re like, “Oh wait, that sounds completely irrational. Thanks, Doc.” And then you get screwed over because your health insurance doesn’t cover it.

So, if you’re like the  rest of the people in the US and are uninsured, you can accomplish almost as much by simply developing a habit of writing shit down.

Cheat #3: Stop fucking complaining

Complaining literally accomplishes nothing. Plane late? Taxi ride bumpy? Favorite pizza restaurant ran out of pepperoncini?

Take a deep breath… and then hold it in… forever, because you need to  shut the fuck up .

Complaining takes a problem and then prolongs it. It takes this experience that is anywhere from a nuisance to legit painful and then turns it into this social entity, and social entities suck because then we feel obligated to stand by them and defend them and make sure everybody understands them AND  AGREES WITH US . And then you become that dude who is ADAMANT that this restaurant sucks, and will defend your opinion to the death, even when in truth, you really don’t care that much, and you might even kind of like the place if you hadn’t turned it into this big deal.

People complain not because something sucks. People complain because they’re looking for empathy and to  feel connected with those around them.

Unfortunately, complaining is maybe the least useful way to connect with other human beings. It’s like working on your cardio by swimming through raw sewage. Yeah, you’re getting a workout, but uhh, what’s that thing growing on your face?

Cheat #4: Stop fantasizing

Back when I was in college, I went on a Zen retreat , and I remember the Zen master, during a Q&A session, suggested trying to stop daydreaming in our daily lives and to let go of fantasizing in general.

I was like 20-years-old at the time, and thus, spent most of my waking hours fantasizing about either a) hot girls, b)  rocking out on guitar in front of a bunch of hot girls, or c) throwing really cool parties that would be full of really hot girls.

Needless to say, the Zen master’s suggestion destroyed pretty much the only thoughts that gave me any semblance of  happiness at the time . I resisted the notion the way a cat resists a bath.

But then I  got older , eventually got over the whole obsession-with-hot-girls thing that I think is a requirement for any man seeking even the appearance of maturity, and realized that Ms. Zen master (yes, it was a woman) was right all along.

The human imagination is a powerful thing. And the imagination is a fun thing to play with—it’s what attracts us to books and movies and TV shows that we binge-watch in a single weekend.

But when applied to ourselves, the imagination can become another form of distraction. It can be a way of avoiding what is real and true for us in the moment, a way to live vicariously through the images and  ideas fed to us by others. It’s a way to feel a sense of accomplishment, all while  sitting on our couch , alone.

Most recurring fantasies we have about ourselves are reactions to our insecurities.

I’ll give you one guess what my one huge glaring insecurity was when I was 20-years-old… Yup, hot girls (or sex, or being attractive/desired/loved, or whatever you want to call it).

And those fantasies didn’t help me resolve that insecurity. On the contrary, my propensity to live in a fantasy-world ( *cough* porn *cough* ) obsessed with objectifying women and seeing them as sexual conquests pushed me into behavior and obsessions in my real life that were harder to relinquish than they needed to be.

If you spend years fantasizing about that yacht, then chances are you’ll be the guy who will wreck the rest of his life just to buy it. If you obsessively fantasize about being admired and loved by all, then you will fail to stand up for yourself in those many moments where you’ll need to most.

Fantasies are like any other distraction—they are to be used sparingly and for nothing other than pure enjoyment. It’s when they begin to sustain your sense of self-worth, your desire for importance in this world, that you will be hobbling yourself, and you will never level up again in life.

Cheat #5: Share your shame

I’m about to sum up the biggest problem everyone deals with in the game of life in one paragraph. Are you ready?

When we’re children, we are genuinely powerless to many of the problems in life. We therefore rely on our parents to help us find solutions. But the more our parents fail to find solutions, the more distractions we must create for ourselves (notice how much children fantasize? That’s not a coincidence) in order to cope with the difficulty of life. The more distractions we create for ourselves as children, and/or the more distractions our parents teach us themselves, the more they will form into habits that will continue into adulthood. Once adults, we will forget that our distractions were merely reactions to problems, and we will come to believe  that there is something inherently flawed or wrong about us and we must hide it from other people at all costs .

And so, we hide these things about ourselves, and to hide them, we must distract ourselves even further, and it just creates this downward spiral of distraction and shame.

The best way to get rid of our distractions and to reclaim the problems that have been haunting us since childhood is to expose them, to  share them , and recognize that a) no, you’re not a freak,  most people struggle(d) with the same problem, and b) that your distractions are just that: unhealthy ways to compensate for  how shitty you feel about yourself.

There’s an old saying that “sunlight is the best disinfectant.” Well, that’s true for ourselves as well. The only way to cure the darkest parts of yourself is to shine light on them.

Good luck Player One. Remember, the  game of life  is designed to be complex and confusing. The difficulty is not winning, but  knowing what winning itself means. Because that’s the real challenge: deciding what our own life is worth and then having the courage to go out and live it.

This piece originally appeared at MarkManson.net . Follow @iammarkmanson on Twitter.

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IMAGES

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